Life Lately and Understanding My Own Responsibility

These last couple of days, I have been going through a wave of emotions. I was sleepdeprived for over a month. And, I was telling Axel that I am scared, I get some mental issues or might get depressed. Sometimes, my heart was beating so fast, and I thought to myself that these are signs of me getting a knockout from all the things I am currently doing. If you don’t know yet, I chose not to take maternity leave, and instead continue with my studies. I knew what I was putting myself into because, to be honest, life at the university, demands a lot of time, and, especially with masters.

I have heard it before, and I know that some of you might be thinking that it is a crazy idea to study, take care of Leo, be a wife, and everything else I want to be or do. Some believe that I push myself too hard. And, I 100 pct agree with them. You know, I learned the hard way that Often, I was too comfortable in a place where I kept telling myself, maybe, I should wait until next time. Then days would pass by, and even months and I would still be in the same comfort zone. So, l had to learn to let go of fear and start believing that can do this. It is all in my mind and what I train it to believe.

On days where I feel awful, I remind myself how far I am, and the obstacles that I have overcome. And that I am so close to getting my masters done. Leo has also started to sleep well, and it has a positive impact on body, and thoughts too.

This post is for both you and I. You don’t necessarily have to go through the same situation as I do, but I know that life sometimes can be tough in different ways. My advice is to allow ourselves to be vulnerable, to cry if possible, or take a break to fuel up. There will be people pointing fingers and questioning our choices, but that is not our responsibility to spend time wondering why they say so or behave in a certain way. Our responsibility is to accept the bad days and ask for help when needed. It is the ability of understanding when to take actions that impact our mental and physical health positively

Thank you for reading this post. I will talk to you soon, again.

PS: Shoes are a gift from Woden

Pictures shot by Axel.

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2 Comments

  1. October 19, 2019 / 6:26 pm

    You got this Michelle! I have been in the same position lately with our move to Germany and continuing with grad school, leaving my job and adjusting to life here. Just taking it day by day and you’re right, looking back you’ll be so proud of all you’ve done.

    • October 21, 2019 / 4:17 pm

      My goodness, Jackie! I am so happy to hear from you. And that you are doing fine and slowly adjusting to the new life in Germany. It won’t be easy at the start, but I know for sure that you will get through it. The transition period is always the hardest, but once it over, things will fall in place.

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